KARLING__ time

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

WAS a bad girl

I was a slut.
I was a girl who cheats behind boyfriend's back.
I was a girl who thinks that everything in life is a joke.
I was a girl who doesn't think before she speaks.

The Kar Ling that was above, is long gone.

Jeremy changed me.
He made me the girl I am now.
The girl who loves her boyfriend so much that she can't even bear to cheat.
I can't even lie to him.
I can't bring myself to.
I can't bear to even think about how hurt he would be.

Now, whenever I look at a to-die-for guy, I don't even care.
I thought to myself," No matter how gorgeous that guy is, his heart would or might never be compared to Jeremy's".

You may think "BULLSHIT! WHAT A WHOLE LOAD OF CRAP!"
But it's really true.

I really love him.
I don't know how to live my life as fantastic as when with him.

Now that he's in army, my life immediately screwed up.

I got sick so easily.
My friend sees me as someone who would cheat.

I wish Jeremy's here.
I miss him.

I am very very sure that I will not cheat and find other guys.
I may go out with guys.
But in my heart, I only treat them as friends and nothing else.

I hope you would trust me.
Your trust for me is really important.
You may be just a friend, but you are important.
You make sense of all the nonsensical things in my life.
You were also part of the reason why I stopped smoking.
You guided me along.
I don't wish to lose our friendship because your trust in me faded away.

I sound like a les, I know.
But hell! those are really words from the bottom of my heart.

I'm sure you would be reading this.

Lastly, Jeremy, I know you won't even be reading this but....

I love you with all my heart.
And yes, we would take marriage vows together. I wouldn't take it with anyone else.
I miss you so much.

2:25 PM

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

politics

At first I wouldn't believe that my clinic has politics. Even if there is, it wouldn't be as much as the working world outside.
Until the last few days and today, I was totally convinced that there was.

I thought that my IC was a super cool and fun woman.
Little did I know, she turned out to be someone who is biased and sensitive.

It happened on friday when I was reprimanded by two IC (one mine and one another clinic).
All because of something I feel so small.
I was pretty sure it wasn't my senior who told me that the clinic downstairs is "just clearing tray".
If I didn't remember wrongly, it was their own people who told me that.
And I got scolded for saying that.
Like WHAT THE HELL.
Worse still, my senior was accused of saying that and thus, she got scolded as well.
I wonder up until now if it's my fault that she got scolded.
I feel terrible.

There's this new girl. Let's call her PL.
She is sweet to the max and really a very nice girl.
However her flaw is that she is FREAKINGLISH SLOW!!
She can't visualise and her memory is really really bad.
Mine is so much worse. Hers is worse worse.
I must say, I envy her patience.
Downstairs already don't want her, my IC die die want to keep her.
And why so? Is just because she is pretty.

She (IC) became her (PL) personal trainer and my senior and I? We were "kicked" here and there, feeling damn unwanted.
Just for that small thing on friday, we got this.
So that is called fairness?
So if PL were to do the same thing, will you treat her that way?
Or would you still shower her with love and compassion?

I wonder is my eyes going bad or that I trust people way too easily?

If this nonsense drags on further, I don't think I would want to work there anymore.
I don't want to work at a place where I don't feel happy and just feel like I'm being "kicked" around.

I'm not your your puppet and certainly not someone easily bullied.

i hope all these ends.....
i'm tired of all these shit...

9:29 PM