we were so good 2gether. every1 says tat we were so compatible. i'm so willing 2 sacrifice everything n anythin fer eu. gave eu everything. i dun expect anything back from eu. i juz wan eu to love me. to care fer me. tat's all i ask for. is it so difficult? u gave me happiness and sadness. whoeva can make u laugh and cry,is sum1 u reali love. sumtimes things dun turn out e way i wan it 2 be. i wish to go back in time and change e past. i wan2 amend my mistakes. but time doesnt allow me 2 do tat. i wish 2 haf e feeling of being wif eu again.
i remember e first time we held hands and more. but u dun. it hurts me so much when eu forgot abt it. when we first held hands,it was at jp. we held hands 2 make fun of a couple we knew. little did we noe,we didnt let go. i was so overjoyed.
everyday was a happy day fer me. i always looked forward to it. but now,i m not looking forward to tomorrow anymore. i m juz taking a step at a time. i m no longer happy. i keep pondering over it. i dun even noe y. i wan2 go on. but i juz cant.
u see me smiling. u see me laughing. but wad is reali inside me? nobody noes except fer me. i live in a life full of darkness. i live in a life full of sadness. i live in a life full of dreams,not hopes. i dream to b wif eu. but it cant b fulfilled. i dream to see eu. but i juz cant. juz watching ur back will make me satisfied. juz listening 2 ur voice will make me satisfied.
but there is one thing which is fulfilled.... its seeing u smile...
8:40 AM
Friday, May 26, 2006
# [w]ad the today was TERRIBLE.and i say again,TERRIBLE!
if u reali wan2 take all e credit,GO AHEAD!be my guest! u dun even allow us to say anything. u juz keep blabbing on. dun u even care abt how e hell we feel? u mite feel tat ur methods r ok.but we mite think e other way round. everyone is pissed off wif u. one fine day i'm gonna tell u how i feel abt ur darn attitude.
argh!quarrel wif daddy today. i m angry wif my bro n mum liao n he still tok 2 me. its not tat he dunno,i angry tat time,its best not to tok 2 me or touch me. i asked him not 2 ask me anything,he juz dun listen. in e end,i said,"dun make so much noise leh." i was too angry liao. cannot control my mouth. but i dun feel lke saying sorry at all. mayb i'm unreasonable? i reali dunno. i'm lke sooo confused. dun wan2 think le la. e more i think,e more i will feel unhappy.
gotta go to slp now. very tired. hope tml will be a better day fer me... good night!
10:56 PM
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
# [d]arn it sorry dint update ytdy.was tired.
haiz...today got back programming test results.i got 97/100.its lke so easy n i only scored 97!cannot make it man.i m so stupid...no other words to describe.jonah,delwyn n william 100/100.daddy aso got 100!i so happy fer em.but not fer myself.lolx
today was fine.after class,we got AIDS tok. so terrible man.u see e pics.SO GROSS!u wldnt dream of wanting 2 contract HIV or AIDS.its reali v gross ok. kindda pity e ppl who contracted em n ppl who were nelected by e ppl around em juz bcos they got e disease. cant believe y sum ppl so selfish. juz bcos e person contract e disease den tat means they definitely will haf it aso if they cum close 2 em. its so ignorant. next time if themselves contract e disease n were neglected by every1,see how they feel.
is having a bf reali tat impt?i m asking myself tat same ques. too. i wana haf a bf is cos i wana sum1 2 love me n sum1 whom i can love. i wana haf sum1 2 care fer me. i wana haf sum1 2 b thr fer me when i needed help. tats all i wan. but i wonder wad do ppl wan from their partners?
is jonah avoiding me? i keep feeling tat he is.haf no idea y. i dun think tat thr is a reason 2 avoid me though. i dun even mind n i dun think i m treating him differently. reali dun wan any of my frenz 2 treat me tis way u noe. its not a v nice feeling. i juz hope tat we can still b GREAT frenz lke b4.=/
i'm beginning 2 feel pissed off in class. they r lke so noisy in class ok. cant even concentrate when i wan 2. pls man. in e class,thr is not only u. spare a thought fer others can?zhen de hen fan ni men zhi dao ma....
my ankle is getting better.((: though its still swollen up. my mum dun allow me take up squash again. she's afraid i will haf another sprain and such.lolx
i reali miss my sec n pri sch frenz! wheneva i see em in sch,i m filled wif joy. partially happy dey remember me.hehe...
today in sch,thr is tis eurasian lecturer. daddy,leslie n i wana go out of e lift n e lecturer was outside,standing. i dunno fer wad apparent reasons,i said hi.lolx e lecturer v cute. he said back hi too n moreover,in a cheerful way. i dint expect tat u noe. den when e door of e lift closing,he waved at me,saying bye.lolx he is lke so sociable.
i love u!thanks fer being thr fer me always!i m so happy 2 haf known u!<3
7:50 PM
Monday, May 22, 2006
#[s]unshine after e rain today i pon last class to go out wif my laogong aka daddy sim. i was lke so happy.we went to westmall 2 catch e movie "Over The Hedge". after tat we gong gong,dunno whr 2 go. in e end,we decided 2 go 2 IMM 2 walk walk since is lke so big. we went to GIANT to walk lor(so bo liao ritez?...lolx).den i saw tis bra section.v nice lor can!hehe...daddy's face went lke red man(sorry la...cant blame me u noe...=X). after tat we went to e FOOD section!we bought lots of things lor.we bought a kind japanese food,salmon(slices ones pls),sushi,honey sticks,honey drink and unagi! its lke so fun.we ate and toked.I M SO HAPPY!
in msn,xing juan toked 2 me.she asked me i hate her anot.i said yes.den she said thanks. wa lan a.v guai lan lor.i hear liao i so pissed off.she even called me a SLUT.wad e hell!no one call me tat b4 ok! i was lke so angry!pls man.she's only sec2 and she tok 2 me until lke tis.if u were me,how wld u feel?! den i went 2 tell eilly.she ask me add her into conversation.i did. eilly tok until v funny man.i hear already i laugh until cannot take it. she even say something nice abt me...oooooooohhhh....eilly i love u!!lolx after toking,eilly hafta go off.so left xing juan n me. we toked.it went along fine.probably bcos both of us cooled down?
nth much happened today though...hehe...tata! ((:
10:23 PM
Sunday, May 21, 2006
# [b]onking out i reali dunno y ppl like to betray others.is it v fun?somehow i dun think so.its lke so silly to do tat to lose a friendship.
yimin n xing juan,u two are so terrible.i've neva met any1 lke u two b4. TERRIBLE! do things but dun admit.wad kind of ppl are you two?!
xing juan,luckily francis break up wif you. he is like SO lucky not to haf u can! xie tian xie di ar! u act until lke u r v pretty but in actual fact,U R NOT! pls dun say u r eeyore can?i love it ok.dun throw its face pls! v er xin can! u say u r v stressed up in sch.pls la.all e stress is u create em by urself.no 1 is giving u em. if u reali r stress,den dun add on 2 ur stress by having a bf. stupid!
today is lke so boring.all i can do is sit at home and ROT.lolx
i m going bonkers v soon!every1 in class is thinking tat jonah is interested in me.i dunno whether its true anot but i hope so not.i cant take it anymore.they juz keep teasing and teasing me. on e 19th,my grp was supposed to do a skit.we did a skit on responsibility.i had to play parents wif jonah!i dint want it!i dun lke it!i even had to hold hands wif him. argh!i m lke going crazy already.every1 is lke pushing me to jonah which i dun lke it!i haf a bf and he is JEREMY from DECC ok!u all are gonna make e both of us quarrel bcos of e childish behaviour! whether it is true anot,i juz wish u all wld stop tis behaviour. pls...i m beginning to b afraid of sch if tis continues.
today seng kok ask me go watch movie.but its 8pm.i m not allowed 2 go out at tat time.moreover my dad is at home.so i haf no choice,i rejected e offer.is lke going out wif old frenz.but i cant.v disppointed.
i m beginning to dislike my dad even more.i haf no idea y.mayb bcos of his attitude? he feels tat wadeva he lke,we MUZ lke.wadeva he dun lke,we muz STILL lke. wad is tis logic anyway?! he is treating my mum better now.but i m wondering,how long will tis last? i cant help it when he scolds my mum. he is so da nan ren zhu yi. he does not lke any of us gals(in e hse),2 b cleverer than him. my sis is trying v hard 2 pls him n making him reward her.but he juz doesnt! his face is lke so thick can.
i seriously love my mum.although sumtimes we do quarrel over small things.but we love each other a lot. i can tok 2 her abt anything. i m so happy when she accepted jeremy...hehe
ok now...end of e grandma tok...hehe...will update!
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