KARLING__ time

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

around

There are lots of people around. Too many characteristics people have that listing them in here is too much a waste of time.

As for me, I think I am the friendly, hot-tempered (very), straight-forward (very) and understanding (but only at certain times) sort of person.
I am one who yearns for care, love and attention. Yeah that's too much to ask for. My dad doesn't give me those three. My mum does give me those. So basically, there is short of one.

My relatives, be it from my dad's or mum's side, is kindda screwed up. I won't post it in here why I say that. Only three outsiders know about it. My ex-maid, Jeremy and well, Jonah.
I am trying to cope with what had happened. But it just kept flowing back. I think because of this incident, I've lost control of my temper. I burst out even the most stupid thing.

People expect me to be understanding, to control my temper (that I am trying very very hard) and well, control my tears or don't be so sensitive. Many things happened in my life. Lots of unhappy stuff. I am, still, trying to forget and start anew. I am fighting all of this alone. Majority of the past happenings occured when I was young. Such a young age and I have to face all these things.

I have a case of heart murmur. That's not a lot of people know about it. When I go for check-up, the doctor said that the murmur was more significant from the past. But luckily, it isn't serious.
When I get excited, too sad or scared, the muscles near my heart would cramp and I won't be able to breathe.
Because of my heart problem, my parents don't allow me to do much running. I can't blame them actually as my heart might collapse if I do too much of it. That's why in the past when there's sports day, my parents would disapprove of me joining. Of course, I ignored.

You all expect me to understand how you feel. Why don't you all understand how I feel? Think. How would you feel if when growing up, you learn of many bad things the people you love did? And you don't want to cry because you want to be strong for your family and friends.

If you think I am not understanding enough, step into my past and I will see how you handle them. I know I should put down the past. It's not easy. It's really not easy. I can't seem to forgive the people I once love. I can't seem to face the fact that the people did that.

I hope you will try to understand how I feel.

10:39 PM