KARLING__ time

Friday, February 16, 2007

All about me?

Sitting on the study table with nothing but only my laptop on it. The fan is blowing in my FACE. It's rather strong for a number one.

Ok bunch of crap. I don't know what else to say other than craps. Well, that's just me.

Much has happened in my life. As you can see in the previous posts.

I have my dear friends I made in poly. But sometimes I wonder are they really my friends or we just used each other to kill our time there?

Alright I know I sound harsh now. PEOPLE EMO MODE LA CAN?

Actually I do not have any real friends. Loner eh? Yeah I am. I cope myself up in the house.

There are many a things the people around me do not know.

I am a girl who wants attention and love. Ok everyone wants those. I want lots of it. Many people think that I am asking for too much. Or that I expect people to give me love and I don't give it in return.
I am also one who cares about what people think about her. Just a bad remark would make me think a lot. One of my ex says I care too much about what others think. And that others think that we don't look like we are together. Actually, it's much of I feel. Shan't blabber about it further.

You see me as a happy girl. Smiles and all. You see that I laugh my way through. Do you know what really exists inside? The pain, the sorrows. All are kept inside. Away from the world but in mine.
When I have problems, I would show that I don't care. I would say that I am fine with everything and then smile. At that moment, you would think that I cheered up. Are you really sure? Look into my eyes and reconsider. In fact, I am badly affected by my problems. I do care about it. And that I am not fine with it. Maybe I did all those to show others that I am strong?
Sometimes I wonder, why am I doing all this?

I am living in a world of my own.

I try to avoid hurting others. But in the end, I did. So much for avoiding.

I always try to make myself forget the unhappy stuff. Wake up the next day or a few hours later, thinking that I've put away the past. I've not. It has just been kept away for the time being.

I do have regrets in my life. Everyone does.
For example, I regret agreeing to be with you. If I hadn't, things would not turn out this way.

My whole life, I smile my way through. Giving others the feeling that I am happy.

I might not be doing that anymore. I will not smile if I'm not happy.

I am all alone now...

...

11:44 AM